Attractive Tragedy:

blue_fics @ 2007-06-20T22:07:00

2007-06-20T21:14:01Z

Wow I haven't updated for seven weeks. Woo is me.
Ugh I went to the dentist yesterday. As if it wasn't enough that he was causing me severe pain in my mouth, his hand slipped and he hit me in the face. Git.
Wow my autosaved draft was saved at 10:10:10. That's a little bit immense.
Soooo, another thing thats bugging me and I'm sure you all care about enormously is that I've updated my fics to the place of evil (ff.net) and no body seems to really care about my lovely multi-chaptered fic. But the short little one shot 'After Dark?' Everyone wants more. Helloooo, it's a one-shot people.

How evil are you?

What's worrying is that I didn't lie. Not even once. Maybe though know I uploaded my fics to ff.net.

hi

2007-04-28T15:09:44Z

Just to let you know, I'm still alive and nerdy

46% Geek Mingle2.com - Free Online Dating

it's what all the cool kids are doing...

2007-01-17T21:36:47Z

ok, well this journla isn't really a place for this sort of thing (i promised myself that when i made it cos my old lj was overrun ny them) but everyone was doing this 1 so i thought I would. and plus i got a different answer to everyone's i've seen so far because I AM NOT A SHEEP. and feel very strongly about my un-sheepliness.

You Are 77% Addicted to the Internet

In your opinion, life without the internet is hardly worth living.
Could be, but you probably need a bit more fresh air and sunshine to think clearly.

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

and i thought this was one was funny. i'm surprised i actually got this high a percentage, but i think it's because i didn't understand some of the questions. oh, and the answer to the bottom question should do include england *nods patriotically*

You Are 77% Addicted to the Internet

In your opinion, life without the internet is hardly worth living.
Could be, but you probably need a bit more fresh air and sunshine to think clearly.

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

Not that I don't like Americans, I JUST LOVE ENGLAND :p

The Rising Dark (1/?)

2007-01-07T19:34:19Z

The Rising Dark

Pairing: SS/OFC (HP)
Rating: PG-13. (Will go up to NC-17 but if your underage and like the fic I might be nice and make a PG-13 version.)
Disclaimer: Everythin you recognise belongs to J.K Rowling. Everything you don't I probably stole from someone else.
Summary: Whew, it's a long fic. This is chapter 1/?, and in it we meet the OFC, yay! (and if you call her a mary-sue you will die, because she only is a little bit, and only in this chapter.) I really suck at summaries so I will just say that the title gives a pretty good explanation (the chapter title, I mean.)
Author's Notes: Character Death, but of someone who's not really in the fic. Or in the books. This has not been beta-ed becuase no body loves me :P (or maybe because I didn't ask?)

Chapter 1: The Most Miserable Christmas Day

"Avada Kedavra!" tore from the Dark Lord's throat, his eyes glittering dangerously. He has said it many times before, and doubtless he will again, but it was the first time he had ever said it and directed it at one of his loyal subjects. He had others to do his dirty work for him. As he watches her fall, white blonde hair looking green in the unholy light, sleeves of her robes falling back revealing the black scar carved onto her perfect, white wrist, he knows he must remember to make others do his dirty work for him in future.

Anneliese Blackwood walked quickly towards Hogwarts castle, the snow spinning around her like tiny dancers, the wind whipping her dark hair about her face as she hurried towards Hogwarts Castle, its lighted windows promising warmth. Trudging through the snow, she forced her mind on to thoughts other than those on the events of the night before, though she knew the consequences of which would no doubt be keenly felt by her young godson in the castle before her. Thinking of what she had lost last night gave her a strange; twisting feeling in her stomach that was accompanied by the threat of tears. It made her feel weak, and she hated to feel weak. Increasing her pace, she pulled her cloak tighter around her and swallowed past the lump in her throat.
Opening the grand, oak front doors of the school, she stepped inside and welcomed the rush of warmth that greeted her. The Entrance Hall was just as she remembered it, with the grand, marble staircase, highly polished floors and doors leading off to the Great Hall and the dungeons. There were no students milling around, but she was not surprised, students that had chosen to stay at school for Christmas were likely still opening their presents so early in the morning. She made her way quickly up the staircase, heading towards the Headmaster's office.
She was almost surprised when she reached the phoenix guarding the Headmaster's office so quickly - she knew the school so well, even after twenty years, that she hadn't needed to pay attention to where she was going. The Headmaster had informed her of the password, 'candy cane', in a letter she'd received just before she'd left, so she wasn't left standing around looking like a lemon waiting for someone to save her. After riding on the enchanted stairs up to the Headmaster's office door, she knocked, straightening her back and forcing a slight smile as she waited.
"Anneliese my dear, it's good to see you again!" Dumbledore greeted as she stepped inside the office.
"Headmaster," she greeted, inclining her head slightly.
Dumbledore rose from his seat and moved to stand a couple of paces in front of her.
"I only wish the start of your career here was a happy occasion. I know you were close with Mrs Malfoy, you must be feeling awful." He said gravely.
"Yes," Anneliese agreed, swallowing hard, "but at least Draco will be around familiar faces at a time like this," and so will I, but thank god she didn't finish her sentence out loud.
"I couldn't agree more. Actually that's why I requested you to come earlier, instead of arriving at the start of the new term."
"Thank you," and she meant it. "Is Professor Snape staying here over Christmas?" She asked.
"Yes, I expect you'll find him down in his dungeons. Lunch is being served at one, but if you cannot make it I will understand completely."
"Thank you, but I expect I will be there."
"Then I will see you later."
She nodded, before she turned and left

Standing in the dungeons outside Severus's quarters, Anneliese frowned. What is he going to say about me knocking on his door? She wondered. He no doubt knew that she was due to start teaching here but even though she once knew him better than anyone, even she did not know how he would react if she knocked on his door in the middle of Christmas morning, twenty years after they last saw each other. Oh well, only one way to find out she decided, and she raised her hand to knock. But just as she was about to, his door swung open to reveal his dark profile. They stared at each other for several moments, and she drank in his appearance. Apart from a few lines around his eyes and mouth, from worry no doubt - maybe pain, he had not changed. He had the same lank dark hair, though it was slightly shorter now, and he was still dressed from head to foot in black, apart from the sleeves of his white shirt that poked out of the bottom of his robe sleeves.
"Severus," she whispered, breaking the silence, and he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, crushing her against him.
Laying her head into his shoulder, she breathed in his familiar scent. "I missed you," her voice scratchy. He didn't reply, just held her tighter.
She remembered he had held her like that once before and she got the same impression she had before, it was like he wasn't holding her, he was holding onto her, and if he let go he would slip off of something too big for him to handle.
Eventually, she pulled away from him.
"Let's go to the staff room - I should think it will be warmer."
She nodded gratefully - she had always hated the cold.
They walked in silence, they both found small talk to be an unnecessary evil, and even if they hadn't they had their minds on Narcissa.
Entering the staff room she was grateful to find it empty, though she hadn't really expected it not to be. She had only been in the staff room once before during a lesson in her fourth year, and like most other things she that she had seen so far in the castle, it hadn't changed a bit.
They sat very close to each other on a comfortable sofa by the window, her thigh pressing against his.
"How are you, Lies?" he asked.
"I've been better," she drew in a shaky breath before continuing, "and you?"
"It doesn't seem real somehow," he said after a pregnant pause.
"I know what you mean... I think if I hadn't been with Lucius last night I wouldn't have accepted it either."
"You were with Lucius last night?" he asked looking surprised. She knew he was suspicious, no doubt hypothesising on what they could have been doing together, holding a Death Eater orgy no doubt.
"Yes, we were together when we found out." She replied as innocently as she could, before berating herself for trying - she was innocent.
Severus shifted uneasily, he knew that couldn't have been easy - Lucius was a very cruel man but he wasn't completely heartless and his wife meant the world to him.
"He stayed at my manor...I don't think he wanted to go home. It's going to seem very empty there without her, and I don't think he felt ready to face it." She stared out the window as she spoke, but Severus could tell she was remembering her night with Lucius. "I think he's going to go and tell the Black's tomorrow. I don't know how they'll take it...I mean she hadn't spoken with any of them in years, but she was definitely on of them..." She was horrified her last word was drowned out by a sob escaping her throat, and Severus pulled her against him once more.
With her eyes closed and Severus' arms around her, she felt safe and at last surrendered to the tears that had been threatening to fall since she had heard the news.
Severus held her while she shook, but her tears topped quickly and she was able to regain enough composure to pull away and speak. "You know, I have known death all my life, and now... I finally know grief." It was an amazingly honest thing to say - honesty was something she'd never quite mastered.
Severus remained quiet, letting her speak if she wanted to. For years he had always thought she had grieved when she had lost her family, but she had once told him that she 'had been too young to realise that when someone dies it meant you lost them forever.'
"We should go and see Draco," she said, several minutes later.
"Yes, we should." He agreed, before standing up and pulling her up with him.
They walked back down into the dungeons, again in silence, but this time because they dreaded the state they were no doubt going to find Draco in.
Severus spoke the password 'silver blood' that allowed the portrait of Salazar Slytherin to swing forward, revealing the door to the Slytherin common room.
The common room was unnaturally silent - it seemed like half of Slytherin house was sitting in that room but no one even spoke when they entered.
"Malfoy," Severus said softly.
"Professor Snape, Professor Blackwood." Draco replied, which caused a small stir, no doubt trying to work out who this new Professor was.
"Malfoy, we'd like to talk to you for a moment." Anneliese said, looking at Draco. She watched as he stood, looking resigned, and she frowned - she was his aunt and he looked like he wished she wasn't there.
They walked out of the common room together and down to Severus' offices, Anneliese leading the way. When they were safely in his office she closed her eyes briefly before turning to Draco, gathering her strength.
"Draco..." she glanced at Severus, "I know you feel like someone's ripped your heart out right now but..."
"Don't you DARE tell me how I fell, you have no idea how I feel, how could you possibly?" he exploded, all dignity forgotten. "Have you ever lost a parent, have you?" he hissed, sounding frightfully like his father.
"Yes," Anneliese answered truthfully, "both of them. And even though I wasn't as close to my parents as you were Narcissa, I do understand what it's like to lose someone you love... I loved her too."
Draco glared at her for several moments before his eyes welled up with tears and he seemed to close in on himself. He slid down the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest, sobbing and screaming as he rocked himself back and forwards.
For the first time since he had entered the office, Severus moved. He dropped down onto his knees beside Draco and laid a hand on Draco's arm, careful not to intrude too much on his personal space. He didn't say anything - there was nothing to say.
Anneliese watched the scene unfold before her with a certain degree of shock - Severus had comforted her but this was different, Draco was a child and Severus was perhaps the least paternal person she knew. A moment later she sat down beside them both and smoothed down Draco's hair, offering what support she could.
After what must have been an hour, a cough from Severus snapped her out of her thoughts and she glanced down at Draco. She had been aware of his sobs stopping quite some time ago, but even then no one had made a move to get up off the cold, stone floor.
"I would like to be alone," Draco requested quietly.
Severus looked up at Anneliese before murmuring, 'of course' and moving to stand up. He reached down a hand to pull her up as well, and she was glad of it - she felt like she was a hundred years old.
"We will leave you in here," Severus said, before exiting through his office door with Anneliese trailing behind.
"We should go to lunch," Anneliese said, once they were in the corridor.
She waited for Severus to answer but when he did not she looked up at him. He was looking down at her with an unreadable expression on his face, and Anneliese bit her lip - she wished she could tell what he was thinking. "Severus..." she prodded gently, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Yes of course," he muttered, seeming distracted, although he turned around sharply and stalked down the corridor, his black robes billowing out behind him.
She walked much more slowly to the Great Hall, her thoughts still on Draco, and when she entered he was already sat down at a large circular table with what seemed like the rest of the teaching staff and several students, but no Slytherins she couldn't help but notice.
"It is my great pleasure to introduce Miss Anneliese Blackwood, our new Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts," Dumbledore introduced her, standing up as she entered the hall.
"Merry Christmas," she said as she sat down, looking around the table and forcing a cheerful tone into her voice, as the small smattering of applause after her introduction faded. She looked around the table, everyone seemed happy but as she looked at their faces more, she realised that it looked forced, just as she was sure her smile did - the war was taking its toll on everyone.
"So... did everyone get what they wanted for Christmas?" The Headmaster asked, reluctantly it seemed to Anneliese, as though he wanted to say something to banish the uncomfortable silence that had fallen, but knew it was an inappropriate question in light of recent events.

Love it? Hate it? Wish I would die so I can't write anymore fics? Let me know! Even flames are ok, just as long as I get comments and feel popular. But seriously, I will ignore flames, just as I hope you will ignore y pretty crappy grammar.

A Faithful Wife

2007-01-06T16:38:10Z

The last fic I'm posting right now (thank god)

A Faithful Wife

Pairing: SS/NM (HP)
Rating: pg-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable Harry Potter objects are the property of J.K Rowling, and that's not me.
Summary: My first SS/NM fic. When visiting Hogwarts, Narcissa Malfoy bumps into the one person she was most anxious to avoid.
A/N: I like this fic, and I've posted it pretty much everywhere, so if you've ever read anything by me it was probably this.

Narcissa Malfoy strode past the grand front doors of the school where she had spent some of the best years of her life. She was expected of course; despite the years she'd spent using and abusing the rights that came with being a Malfoy, she had never forgotten her less than grand start in life as a Black. Forgetting wasn't something someone could easily do after being told for eighteen years that their family was nothing but a lie that could easily be discovered; a good name was all that hid their debts in a society that was far too nosy.
She was here because the problems that her son had over Lucius' incarceration were beginning to affect his schoolwork and the matron feared for his mental health as well. Normally people who things unknown to everyone else are considered disturbed, but she could never think that about her son. These latest developments bothered her a great deal though, it meant that his condition was worsening, not improving like she'd hoped, he had merely seemed depressed over the summer.
Though it may have seemed unusual for her to be visiting the school so late at night, to her it made perfect sense;
this way she wouldn't have to talk to Draco when he was surrounded by his cronies - something told her he wouldn't like that too much. She could also hopefully avoid seeing Severus - after the way she had felt last time she had seen him, she could no longer trust herself in his presence.
She pushed open the door to the Slytherin dungeon, and began to make her way down the steps that she had descended so many times in her youth. Partway down the dank corridor, there was a door that separated the corridors between the entrances to the Slytherin common room and the head of house's office.
Just as she approached the door, it flew open, and who should be stood there but Severus Snape, the one man she had been most anxious to avoid.
"Severus," she said as way of greeting, after so many years she had become almost as cold as the people who were born Malfoys.
"Narcissa," he replied, and she couldn't help but notice the look in his eyes, but as he showed emotion so rarely, it was hard to venture a guess at what he was feeling, although she somehow instinctively knew it wasn't contempt.
He stood back to open the door for her, always the gentleman, she mused, but cursed herself almost immediately. Why was she so weak to this man? It was hardly his charm or good looks.
She passed through the door, although it seemed as though it had shrunk since the last time she had walked through it, or perhaps it was that their adult bodies were larger than their childhood bodies had been; either way she had to pass dangerously close to him.
Once she was safely on the other side of the door, she faced him again, though this time they were facing each other directly, one standing either side of the corridor.
"Tell me," Severus said in his damnably silky voice, "why is it necessary to reveal that much cleavage when the only person you're hoping to see is your son? That is why you came in the middle of the night, is it not?"
His words were harsh but his tone was not, and there was something behind his eyes, something that she didn't quite trust herself to analyse.
"You're certainly as beautiful as the last time we met," he said quietly, and she stepped forward, pulling the door out of his hands so it slammed shut, and pushed her body into his.
The next thing she knew, their lips were moving against each other, tongues gently exploring, and she was pressed between the cold wall and Severus' warm body.
"I've always wanted you, you know that," he gasped before sliding one hand up to caress her hair, and one hand under her robes and across he stomach.
They were so caught up in each other that the approaching footsteps seemed to be somehow apart from them and they paid it no attention. It wasn't until the door began to creak open that they sprung apart like guilty teenagers. Professor Dumbledore stepped through the door then, no doubt wanting to find out if she was making any progress with Draco. The look in his eyes meant that he did not need to ask for an explanation.
"I was just telling Mrs Malfoy the password," Severus said, and she admired his steady voice, Lord knows her's wouldn't have been had she needed to provide an explanation.
"I see," Dumbledore replied. She knew he saw much more than what Severus had just told him, he was no fool, and giving someone the password to the Slytherin common room did not make you look flustered and hot under the collar.
"Well, hopefully I shall see you soon, Mrs Malfoy," Severus said, before walking off, his robes billowing behind him.
"I too, shall see you later," said Dumbledore before walking off.
And Narcissa turned the opposite way to them, the only reason she did not look back was because her view of Severus would have been blocked by the door.
She was very proud of the fact that even after so many years in an arranged, loveless marriage she was still faithful to her husband, and though she was rather less faithful than she had been earlier in the evening, even now she was not completely unfaithful. Although, she thought as she looked at the entrance to the Slytherin common room, her faithfulness was not going to tell her the password.

Searching

2007-01-06T16:34:04Z

Another short fic, actually this one is even shorter that the first one. Only one more fic to go before the onslaught ends :P

Searching

Pairing: LM/NM (HP)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: JKR :P (you don't really have to say anymore do you?)
Summary: So short it doesn't even really need one, just a little bit of Lucius.
A/N: un-betaed and very, very random.
Length: 465 words

I swear as I drop my quill on the floor, it isn't that it's even that annoying, it's that it's one annoying thing after a very annoying day. I have to get off my seat and sit on the floor to pick it up; it's managed to lodge itself right under the desk.
You walk in then, with me crouching on the floor, butt in the air, searching for a quill. I should be embarrassed but I'm not, I'm too tired to feel anything.
You whisper my name, so I turn to face you, kneeling on the floor. Your hands are pressed against your stomach, cradling our child. We stare at each other for what must have been a minute, your eyes are troubled and I know you are worried. I open my arms to you and you come forward to sit on my knee. You're heavier now than the last time I held you. How long ago was that? I can't remember but I know it was too long, holding you made me feel something. I don't know how to describe it, but I know I had to be careful, if I wasn't then I could very easily fall in love with you. I already dream about your pale skin and slight frame pressed against mine, and it doesn't make it any easier when I torment myself, going into your room in the morning, seeing your hair sprawled on your pillow, highlighted by the early morning sun.
I tighten my grip on you, your stomach pressing into mine I place my hand against it, feeling my heir kick against me.
We speak of your sister, of your worry for her, of why she did what she did, why I do what I do. I know that you don't understand it, even though you are pureblooded and I have tried to explain it, I know that it still seems foreign to you. You do not let other Death Eaters into the house, sometimes it is difficult but I respect your wishes. Learning how to give as well as take has been difficult, but I remain grateful that you were the one that taught me. When we first met I considered myself above you, it only seemed natural for a Malfoy and a Black to be that way. You were a Malfoy on our wedding night, but I still used you then, something I regret now. I enjoy treating you with respect, even if I do it so infrequently.
You press a kiss to my forehead before standing and walking slowly out of the room. I watch you until the door closes, then I go back to searching for my quill, trying not to think about how much your presence in your life has changed me.

His Best Friend's Widow

2007-01-06T16:27:56Z

That's mostly the longer fics posted, I do have another one somewhere but I can't seem to find it right now :( But anyway, the fics are almost posted! yayness!

His Best Friend's Widow

Pairing: SS/NM (HP)

Rating: PG-13

Summary: When visiting the graveyard, Severus finds a lot more than the tombs of fallen friends.

A/N: This wouldn't make half as much sense if it wasn't for my wonderful beta :P
Disclaimer: J.K Rowling is the chief.

Length: 704 words.

He stood by the graves of a former friend and a former pupil, wishing there were tears that he could wipe from his eyes. Tears would ease his guilt, would wash away his sins. But Slytherins weren't supposed to cry, and Severus Snape had been the most Slytherin of them all. When it had all come to an end.

'Whatever side you pick, make sure it's strong. I will not tolerate weakness.' His father's final words to him, even on his deathbed he had made his only son feel unworthy. They were words Severus had taken to heart. He looked at the epitaph on the tomb-

'Loving father.'

Severus wondered what his fallen friend's last words to his son had been. He had been surprised, no doubt. Severus had been surprised too, he had never expected Draco's loyalties to run so deep, but once the boy had learned of his father's true allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix he had murdered him on the battlefield.

You were a fool Lucius, if only you had told your son of your true loyalties before he turned to the Dark Lord out of love for you. But everything was obvious with hindsight. Severus glanced briefly at the grave that lay beside Lucius's before turning to leave, he did not have time for such a disappointment. He had had high hopes for Draco, but they had been dashed when he took the Mark, when he went against the most basic of wizarding principles.

He began to walk away from the graves, when he saw a pale figure standing in the midst of the tombstones of those who had died fighting the Death-Eaters. Even from this distance he recognised the thin frame and silver hair of Narcissa Malfoy. Briefly he wondered why she was in that part of the graveyard, her entire family were cowards who had died hiding their faces. But if there was one inexplicable exception to the rule, it was Narcissa; she had even been born a contradiction; a Black with blonde hair. Most of the time she bent the rules through cruelty and cunning- she was Slytherin through and through.

He walked towards her. Black heart or not, they had become friends, good friends throughout the years, united by common goals and shared grief.

"Cissa," he called out quietly as he approached her, he didn't want to intrude on her mourning, or whatever she was here to do.

She turned slowly, without wiping the tears from her cheeks. He hadn't expected her to be crying. "Severus," her voice was colder than the wind that blew her hair around her face, but he knew that her hostility wasn't directed at him. They had all suffered during this war. Subconsciously he ran his hand through his once black hair, now it was almost completely gray- the death of Albus had placed even more stress on his already over burdened shoulders.

"I didn't expect to see you here." He said.

"The graveyard?" She sounded disbelieving and he didn't blame her; who else, beside the dead, did she have to visit now?

"No, not the graveyard, just this part." He gestured to the graves, most of them were of Aurors.

"Oh," she turned back to the grave and he walked up behind her. Kingsley Shacklebolt. Confusion wrinkled his eyebrows.

"Friend of yours?" If Lucius Malfoy could be a double agent, why couldn't his wife have auror friends?

She paused. "I'm carrying his child."

Ah, a very good friend then. He expected her to make a poorly constructed excuse and leave, but she didn't. Her porcelain cheeks didn't even pinken. It angered him. Despite his many faults Lucius had never been unfaithful. But Severus had learned long ago that if you judge a book by its cover, you often end up looking a fool.

"I don't want to have this baby alone."

He paused. "You won't be alone."

"Ever?" She prodded. He barely heard her over the wind.

"Not if you don't want to be."

She moved closer to rest her head against his arm. "Thank you," she whispered.

He placed his arm around her shoulders. "My pleasure."

He almost didn't feel guilty that this was the widow of his best friend.

Almost

On a Pedestal

2007-01-06T16:23:01Z

On a Pedestal

Pairing: Janeway/Paris (ST:VOY)
Summary: As the years went by and my loneliness increased I began to search elsewhere for comfort, though I admitted, if only to myself, that my heart would always belong to her.
Rating: PG-13, but just to be safe.
Disclaimer: Paramount is Chief. I'm not even an Indian.
Author's Notes: Not my best work, but a return to Voyager fic for me, and my first completed Janeway/not Chakotay. The title doesn't quite fit, but the ending was not meant to be happy.

I watched them enter the cafe, both laughing as they shook the rain of them. The storm had rolled in surprisingly fast, I'd been pleased I'd already been inside otherwise I would have surely been as soaked as the couple that I watched, and probably not as happy about it.
They took seats near the window, sitting opposite each other. There was a light in the corner that made her hair shine a golden red, highlighting the grey streaks that had not been there the last time I had seen her, almost four years ago now, at the last Voyager reunion.
A waitress came over to their table and he ordered for both of them and she watched him, smiling. Though it was not a happy smile, I noticed, it was almost sad, wistful. This realisation came with a strange feeling in my gut, and I thought that maybe she was longing for her days back on Voyager.
In the early days of our journey I had tried, albeit discreetly, to win her heart, flashing her my cheeky grin far too often. But as the years went by and my loneliness increased I began to search elsewhere for comfort, though I admitted, if only to myself, that my heart would always belong to her. By then I was no longer a young man, satisfied with flings and passing aliens, I longed for the comforts of a home and a wife. Kathryn's replacement came in the form of one B'Ellana Torres, she matched her in strength, temper and quick-wit, though she lacked Kathryn's compassion and kindness and it had been that, ultimately, which led to the end of our relationship. When we had been together I had forced myself to hate her father as she did, but in the end I came to empathise with him as I realised that relationships with Klingons were not easy.
Sitting in the corner of the cafe watching her I had not even realised that she was watching me as well. After a while she stood with her companion, hugged him tightly, and watched him walk out. Then she turned back to me and I swallowed, hard, as I realised she was walking over.
"Admiral Janeway," I greeted, forcing the dread out of my voice. What was she going to say about my staring at her?
"Kathryn," she corrected, "it's good to see you Tom," she said sitting down opposite me. "It's been too long."
"It has," I agreed, though I wasn't sure whether it had been long enough. I'd been comfortable these last four years, wallowing in my obsession of the woman before me. After Harry had died there'd be no one there to stop me. He would have just assumed I was heartbroken because of B'Ellana anyway, just like everybody else.
She took in my appearance and I squirmed, I knew I looked dishevelled. I'd lost weight, I hadn't shaved in a few days and I badly needed a haircut. On the other hand, she seemed to be flourishing on Earth, she had a certain glow that I found irresistible.
"The years have been kind," she lied, as I simply stared at her.
Eventually our awkwardness melted away and we were able to talk. Somehow Picard came up in conversation, and Kathryn grinned when I admitted that I too thought they were an item.
"We're good friends" she admitted, "but when the press see us out together they assume that there is more there than just that. But I haven't been involved with anyone since Chakotay, quite pathetic real...."
"You were involved with Chakotay?" I cut her off, stunned.
"Yes, but only on New Earth, it would have been too complicated on the ship, and when we got back to Earth I wanted to but he was already with Seven." I wasn't sure why she was admitting so much to me, perhaps she hadn't meant to, or perhaps she trusted me now I was no longer in charge of the rumour mill.
"He was a fool, if you don't mind me saying, no man in their right mind would turn you down." I wasn't sure why I said it; perhaps it was because I knew I could crawl back into the woodwork and ignore her for the rest of my life if I chose to.
"Thank you, Tom" she said, blushing. I grinned; it made her even more endearing to me.
Suddenly she glanced at the chronometer over my head, and she remarked, surprised, at how late it had got. "Walk me home?" she asked, almost shyly.
I was stunned, I had never expected it of her, but I wasn't about to turn her down.

Walking home she slipped her hand into mine, entwining our fingers, causing warmth to spread throughout my entire body. I'd only ever read about responses to simple touch like that, but somehow feeling it for her was unsurprising. Walking in silence she led me to her apartment. Hardly surprising it was Starfleet issue, but it was much bigger than many Starfleet apartments I have seen - rank had it's privileges.
She looked up to the sky and her face was ethereal in the moonlight, a fallen angel.
"Wanna come in?" she asked, her tone light, implying nothing.
I looked at her, studying her eyes, her cheeks, pink from the cold, her lips. The thought of how good it would be to kiss her fleetingly crossed my mind and before I could stop myself I found myself lowering my face to hers, caressing her lips with mine. Her lips were soft yet her kiss was surprisingly forceful, especially since I had expected her to push me away, something I found incredibly erotic.

Later, with Kathryn's petite form lying in my arms I studied her and wondered why. Why she had come to me, why she had led me to her home and then to her bed. For a moment I wondered if it was just out of loneliness that came with not having a relationship in almost a decade, a thank-you-kindly before she expected me to be on my way. But then I realised that even if a relationship had been lacking, no doubt she'd had company when she'd needed it - after four years she was still Starfleet's golden girl. Remembering the night we had shared, I knew what one-night stands were like and it wasn't that, our night had been filled with tenderness and something that I hesitated to call love. Perhaps she returned the feelings that I had for her. Even though it was only a small hope it kept me there, holding her small frame until she began to stir. When she awoke she looked at me, a smile on her face, and even if the love I had for her was reflected in her eyes, there was a definite affection there, an affection that seemed to warm me from the inside out.

woo

2007-01-06T16:18:58Z

YAY! I figured out how to use the friends lock! Actually it's so simple I'm pretty embarresed I didn't know how to use it before.

Old fics (Farewell)

2007-01-06T16:08:22Z

I've decided that I'm going to post all of my old fics that I still like here today, so it's possible that you may have read some of them. I am working on a new fic now, it's a slightly longer snape/ofc fic (at the moment its about 5000 words and not even nearly finished,) and it's almost much darker than most of my other fics, if not all. Unfortunately it's causing me a few problems, but I may post the first chapter today.
I have also decided that I am going to put a friends lock on all NC-17 material, in an effort to prevent the corruption of minors. I just have to figure out how to do it first :P
So, here is the first installment of old fics: Farewell.

Farewell.

Pairing: ADMM (HP)
Rating: PG-13, just to be safe
Disclaimer: Harry Potter. J.K Rowling. Need I say more?
Author's Notes: CONTAINS BAD ASS SPOILERS FOR THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE. Do not read if you have not read the book.
This hasn't been beta-ed, the mistakes are all MINE! Yay.
Summary: Sitting beside the white tomb, Minerva copes with loss.

Never thought
This day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are
Not by my side
There's nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Within Temptation-Our Farewell

The patch of ground near the lake was unnaturally quiet. The birds had stopped singing; the animals in the Forbidden Forest had stopped making any noise at all; and the emerald clad woman sat silently, tears falling down her cheeks, she seemed to be lost in a world that belonged to the past, or perhaps one of her own making.
Minerva McGonagall sat in the sea of seats that had been occupied not long ago by friends, students, and dignitaries from the ministry.
It had been about an hour since Albus' funeral had concluded and the guests had departed. The students had walked back to the castle, to gather their belongings before catching the train; everyone else had left too, but she did not know where they had gone, and she didn't care. The only thing she cared about now was the white marble box in front of her, and the body that lay inside it. It was the body of this generation's greatest wizard; an intellect, a professor, a man with the heart of a child, her best friend and the only man she ever loved.
When she had been young and had attended her first funeral, the funeral of her grandfather; she had realised that the purpose was not to think of the deceased, but rather yourself and how lonely your life would be without them, how difficult it would be to accept that life goes on, and to learn how to live again. It had not even been a week since Albus' death, but she was already unbearably lonely; the world seemed a darker place; jokes didn't seem funny, the summer weather didn't seem warm and bright, and the threat of Lord Voldermort seemed more real than ever. Even though Albus wasn't really the best weapon they had, that responsibility had landed on Potter's shoulders; he was the most powerful wizard they had had on their side, and the only one intelligent enough to make plans Voldermort wouldn't see straight through. And in this difficult time, the well being of these children had fell onto her shoulders; she could adequately fill in the position of Headmistress of course, but she could never replace Albus Dumbledore, no one could; and everyone knew that. Not many children would return back to school next year though, and she was almost glad of that. She was a teacher, so naturally she despised that the war was interrupting her students schooling; but some of them may not live to see the end of the war, and if that was the case then the last faces they should see should be those of their parents. She thought of them all as her students, every one from the lions to the snakes; and she mourned for everyone they lost to the Dark side, Albus had too.
Albus, how she missed him. His death had not been expected, she had always thought she would be the one to go first. Albus gave of such a sense of power, that he had seemed immortal at times. She had seen him at his worst as well, they had been married for fifty years after all, but even then he had been dignified and unwilling to give up. It was one of the things that she had always loved in him. He had always been the strong one, the one who held her when she hurt, the one who protected her when she was vulnerable, but now he was gone, and she was alone.
She was not the only one who mourned his death though, she was one of the only ones who mourned him; but everyone on the light side missed the strong presence he gave. His death reminded them all of their own mortality; and of the fact that while Voldermort was around, their end was probably a lot closer than they thought.

blue_fics @ 2007-01-05T21:55:00

2007-01-05T21:54:47Z

Hello. This is my new lj. It is just a place to keep my fics. If you enjoy them, tell me, everyone likes a good bit of feedback.